Expendable
by EricaHeather123
Summary: Stiles was slowly becoming engulfed in depression. Can anybody save him? Or will he end up going to far...? *Major Trigger Warning*
1. Chapter 1 Hurting

_"Hurting"_

It was Thursday afternoon, Stiles was sitting in sixth period World History with Scott, listening to the Mrs. Schilling talk about the government and how it all plays out. He wasn't listening, she's a great teacher and all but there was so many other things on Stiles' mind that he couldn't really focus on how to become a senator.

The alpha pack had finally left town, and they defeated the Darach. Cora was up and running again, and Derek seemed to be fairly back to normal. Everything was going good. Those weren't the things on Stiles' mind though, the things on his mind were far more personal than that.

Stiles was rapidly becoming depressed. With everything that had happened, how his father was taken, and he couldn't help him. It always had to be Scott saving everyone he loves, its never him. Hes around a bunch of supernatural people all the time. Scott, Derek, Cora, Peter, Isaac, Lydia, Deaton, hell even Allison! They were all something special, and Stiles was a puny, no good human.

Stiles' dad had learned about werewolves and all these other things while he was being held captive with Melissa and Chris by Jennifer. It was hard to believe at first but he finally gave up and just took it all in, believing it. It was hard not to with everything that happened, he either had to believe or play pretend.

Stiles and his father had a long talk about it, and John had made Stiles promise to be careful and never try to fight anything supernatural, to leave that to his werewolf friends. Stiles had agreed, for his dad's sake and his. Stiles was better at research, not fighting.

Derek had texted Scott, Isaac, and Cora that they needed to come to the Hale house right after school. He had told Scott to bring Stiles and Lydia also. Thats what also makes Stiles depressed, Derek never text's him to come over, he always tells Scott to bring him, like hes a tag along, not apart of the pack. Why would he be? He isn't anything special. All he does is fuck up everything and make people mad.

The bell rang, and the gang was off to Derek's preparing themselves with whatever bullshit would happen. Hoping for the best, expecting the worst. That's kind of how the gang lives their lives now. Shitty isn't it?

x

"You guys can relax, nothing bad is happening. We just need to train" It felt like a weight has seriously been lifted off of everyone's shoulders, Stiles let out a breath and let himself relax. Derek gave a small smile to everyone and started giving orders to them. They would be sparing, while Stiles and Lydia were to just sit and wait for what they need to do. Stiles guessed he'd just sit there the whole time, while Lydia would see what other cool things she could do with her banshee-ness.

Stiles was watching the wolfs spare, Scott against Isaac, which was painfully cute to watch because they didn't want to hurt each other and they kept letting each other win, cutest boyfriend awards obviously go to them. And Peter against Cora, which was weird to watch, so he mainly kept his eyes on Scott and Isaac. Derek was standing a little ways away, judging silently, sometimes loudly. He was with Lydia, they were seeing what they could do with this, Stiles, like always, had to do research about banshee's and their powers. So the two were practicing them.

He was beginning to get restless, and frankly pissed off, why did he need to be there? Honestly. It wasn't like he had anything to do. He wasn't even the chauffeur! Scott and Isaac had Scott's bike, Cora had a car, and Lydia had a car! He could be home right now doing homework and playing video games instead of sitting in some cheap chair on the old Hale House porch doing homework and watching werewolves fight each other.

He hadn't noticed someone had walked over to him until he heard someone clear his throat. Stiles looked up and saw Derek towering over him, his eyebrows raised. "What" Stiles said, no emotion in his words really, expect for a hint of pissed off-ness. "What are you doing?" Derek looked awkward, he was just standing there looking down at Stiles, who was obviously doing homework, he was making an attempt at conversation, but sadly Derek sucks at conversations.

"Homework Derek, because I have nothing else to do. I don't get why I'm here, I'm human Derek, nothing special, I don't belong at your practices, I would die if I was paired up against any of them, all I ever do is research, and you don't need practice for that" It felt good to get that off his chest, while he was saying that he stood up and was fairly close to Derek, he wasn't mad or anything, he was just frustrated.

Derek gave him a sympathetic look, and shook his head. "You may not be a wolf, or a banshee, or a werewolf hunter, or anything supernatural, but we need you here, we need you in general Stiles. Your an important part of this pack." Derek wasn't one with words, but Stiles had to admit, he was pretty good this time, he almost made Stiles believe he was apart of the pack. But he knew Derek only wanted him for his super fast searching skills, Stiles was the expendable person. He would never amount to anything, no matter what Derek said.

By the time Derek was done talking everyone was looking at them. Stiles cleared his throat and looked around with a blank face. "I need to go, I have a test to study for. Sorry" Stiles half heartedly said this, he gathered his things and almost ran out of there, not wanting them to see his tears, he got in his jeep and let them fall, small sobs escaped his lips, he tried to be as quiet as he could knowing they could hear him either way probably, but he couldn't stop them.

He started his car and sped away from the Hale House, trying to get home in record time. Tears were streaming down his face and things were getting blurry, he didn't want to crash so he pulled over on the side of the road, and let himself cry, hard. He was fed up with everything, he was finally breaking. He couldn't handle being this way anymore. He knew what was going to happen when he got home, he itched for it.

x

Stiles spent another minute or two crying, by this time they were just dry sobs escaping his lips, having his tears all gone. He started his jeep back up and sped off towards home, making it there in about six minutes. His dad was at work so he wouldn't have to worry about him walking in.

He ran to his room, opening his closet, grabbing a big black box all the way in the back hiding under a pile of magazines about cars. He went to his bed and sat down, taking a breath, he opened the box and looked inside. There were three razors, Vicodin, a pipe, weed, a lighter and a bottle vodka. He normally never did the weed, or Vicodin that was for days he was dreading life, days he needed to just distract himself. He cut sometimes, when he felt the need to release. The alcohol was mainly for fun when Scott was over.

He hasn't opened this box in 5 months. Opening this box made him feel like he was failing himself. But he couldn't help it. It had to happen. Stiles opened his laptop and put on "Bullet" by Hollywood Undead. It was his song he played when he did this. When he did them all together, the days he did them all together were the days he was too far out, the days when he needed to stop giving a fuck for the night.

**My legs are dangling off the edge**

**The bottom of the bottle is my only friend**

**I think I'll slit my wrists again and I'm**

**Gone, gone, gone, gone**

The song started to play and Stiles took out the weed, lighter, and pipe. He prepped it and lit the lighter, bringing the pipe to his mouth, he sucked it, feeling the smoke fill his lungs. He took the pipe away from his mouth and held in the smoke, a couple of seconds later he blew it out and went in for another hit, desperately wanting to feel the high.

**My legs are dangling off the edge**

**A stomach full of pills didn't work again**

**I'll put a bullet in my head and I'm**

**Gone, gone, gone, gone**

It took about 4 more hits till he felt the amazing effect of the weed. His brain was numb and felt lighter, like he could float, but it just wasn't enough for him, he wanted more release. So he put away his pipe and weed and brought out his razor, examining it before taking his pants off and pushing up his boxers.

**Gone too far yea I'm gone again**

**It's gone on too long tell you how it ends**

**I'm sitting on the edge with my two best friends**

**One's a bottle of pills and one's a bottle of gin.**

Charlie Scene's part came on and he lowered the razor blade to his thigh. There were old marks there, faded, and ugly. He was about to make them some new friends. He slowly slid the razor across his thigh, hissing as he felt the skin being ripped open, blood slowly trickled down his leg, it wasn't deep enough to kill, but it was a decent cut.

**I'm twenty stories up, yea up at the top**

**I've polished off this bottle now it's pushin' me off**

**Asphalt to me has never looked so soft**

**I bet my momma found my letter now she's calling the cops**

Stiles made more and more and more cuts until he was satisfied, this was the process, first weed, then cutting, then alcohol, then Vicodin. He left the blood there, the cuts weren't bleeding anymore but he was too high to get up and clean himself off, besides he wasn't done with the fun.

**I've gotta take this opportunity before I miss it**

**'Cause now I hear the sirens and they're off in the distance**

**Believe me when I tell you that I've been persistent**

**'Cause I'm more scarred, more scarred then my wrist is**

**I've been trying too long with too dull of a knife**

**But tonight I made sure that I sharpened it twice**

**I never bought a suit before in my life**

**But when you go to meet God you know you wanna look nice**

**So if I survive then I'll see you tomorrow**

**Yea I'll see you tomorrow...**

**My legs are dangling off the edge**

**The bottom of the bottle is my only friend**

**I think I'll slit my wrists again and I'm**

**Gone, gone, gone, gone**

**My legs are dangling off the edge**

**A stomach full of pills didn't work again**

**I'll put a bullet in my head and I'm**

**Gone, gone, gone, gon**e

Stiles took a swig of the burning goodness, God, he was so far deep, he's never done this like this before. He'd be surprised if he woke up tomorrow honestly. Stiles took another swig while the song continued playing. He wasn't listening anymore, he already knew all of the lyrics.

The song ended, so Stiles played it again, it was almost over now and he was sitting in bed. He had cleaned up and put everything away, it was hard since he was high, and buzzed. He put everything away except for three vicodin pills, he had them in his hand, he was looking at them, debating whether to take them or not, he decided he would, that if something goes wrong, no one besides his father and Scott would really care anyways.

The chorus played as he swallowed the pills one by one, he laid down, and was drifting off to sleep as the final part of the song played.

**I wish that I could fly**

**Way up in the sky**

**Like a bird so high**

**Oh I might just try**

**I wish that I could fly**

**Way up in the sky**

**Like a bird so high**

**Oh I might just try, oh I might just try**

**I made a new story! It's Sterek :D Yeah, this has MAJOR TRIGGER WARNINGS. As I said in the summary. Hope y'all liked it! :) I will still write "Just Breathe" so don't think I'll neglect it because of this story! I won't! Feel free to leave a review :D. Love y'all!**


	2. Chapter 2 Admitting Your Feelings

_"Admitting Your Feelings"_

Stiles woke up in a daze, he couldn't see well at first, but after a minute of blinking and trying to focus he could finally see clearly. Memories of last night flooded to him and he sat up, frantically looking around his room for any evidence. Once he was sure there wasn't any he let out a sigh of relief. Stiles got up and immediately fell right back down, last night must have been too much for his body to handle.

His legs stung from where he cut, he pulled his boxers up and saw the ugly red scars covering his thighs. Stiles sighed, putting his head in his hands. He went too far last night, he told himself he needed to stop the last time he did it, but obviously he doesn't listen to himself.

Stiles gathered some new clothes and went to the bathroom, he peeled his clothes off and started the water, making sure it wasn't too hot, so his cuts wouldn't sting to bad. Once the temperature was to his liking he got in, letting the warm water wash away any evidence of last night, and hopefully his pain.

x

When Stiles entered school, he felt as though everyone's eyes were on him. He was paranoid, he thought people knew what he did. In the back of his mind he knew that it wasn't possible, but after you do something like that, you tend to feel like people know. Guilt sets in, and it eats you alive.

Stiles saw Scott waiting at his locker, he had a huge smile on his face and was practically jumping up and down. "What's up bud?" Stiles raised his eyebrow and laughed a little at his best friends actions. All Scott did was smile even bigger, "Isaac asked me out on a date! We are going to a concert!" Stiles groaned, he should've known it was about Isaac. He wasn't really annoyed of course, but they are always doing cute things, going on dates, Stiles thought that Scott would have calmed down about it by now, they've been dating for a month.

"That's great bud" He put on his smile, and opened his locker, once he looked back at Scott he saw a sad puppy dog look on his face. "Are you okay? You stormed off yesterday..." Scott's face had a concerned look, Stiles knew his friend was concerned for him, he'd run off without much of an explanation yesterday at Derek's. "I'm fine Scotty, just been stressed about classes and haven't been getting much sleep" Stiles tried his best to convince him, making sure his heart beat was regular so Scott didn't sense anything off.

Scott nodded his head and put his hand on Stiles' shoulder, "If you need to talk I'm here Stiles, I have to go to Mrs. Schilling's though, I need help on a question from yesterday's assignment" Scott smiled sympathetically at Stiles and walked off, leaving Stiles to himself, which was a dangerous thing to do. Knowing what Stiles could do to himself.

x

The day went by fairly fast. It was already the end of the school day, and Derek hadn't texted them to come over, which was surprising. Usually by 30 minutes into 6th period Derek had texted them to come to the old Hale House to train. Stiles took the no text's as a day off, well, he hoped that's what it meant, he would hate to have to turn around once he was half way home because Derek sent the text to Scott later than normal.

Stiles went straight home, receiving no texts from Scott, which was a good sign. He went up to his room and sat down in front of his computer, starting it up and browsing the web. Stiles decided doing some more Banshee research couldn't hurt, and maybe even do some other supernatural research, seeing that research was the only thing he could actually do besides talk someone to death.

About 5 hours went by, and Stiles had looked up about every supernatural creature he knew about, found out everything there was to know about a Banshee, did his homework, cleaned his room, and even done the dishes. Who knew how much stuff you could get done when your home alone with nothing to do.

Stiles' father would be home around 10 tonight, and it was 7:28 now. Stiles decided to go grocery shopping, after seeing there was barely nothing to eat. He went and grabbed some of his dads food money, and walked out to his jeep, getting in and driving off to the store.

x

Stiles got back about an hour ago, it was 9:23 now, and he was sitting in front of the tv watching New Girl. A couple of minutes later he got a text, looking at his he saw it was from Derek. He opened his phone and read the text.

**From Sourwolf**

**9:26 pm**

**Come to the loft**

Why would Derek want him to come to the loft? More importantly, why did Derek text him this? Why didn't he text Scott to tell him as usual? Stiles was confused, all these questions running around his head, it took him a good 5 minutes to respond back to him.

**To Sourwolf**

**9:31 pm**

**Uh okay be there in a bit.**

Stiles got in his jeep and prepared himself. He was still insanely confused on why Derek had texted him. Stiles decided to just brush it off and drive to Derek's, he would find out what's up when he got there. For now he would focus on the road, and not Derek's weirdness.

x

When Stiles got there, Derek was already at his front door waiting for him. Stiles couldn't tell if anything was wrong from his face, but yet again, Derek is a master at hiding emotions, he looks annoyed all the time. "Stop sitting in your car and get in here Stilinski" Derek's voice was monotone, but this time he didn't sound like he wanted to murder the younger boy, which was good.

Stiles got out and walked to the front door, standing there, waiting for Derek to either let him in or explain. All Derek did was walk back into his home, so Stiles followed him, standing there awkwardly. "What did you call me here for?" Stiles raised his eyebrow, asking Derek to explain. Derek sighed, "Why did you run off?" for a second Stiles thought he actually saw concern on his face! He continued to look, and sure enough Derek Hale actually has more looks to him than just annoyed and pissed off! Shocking.

"I told you, I needed to study" Stiles stuck to his story, not daring to tell him the real reason. He would never let anyone find out that. Derek's face twisted into a knowing look, "Your lying, your heart skipped a beat. Tell me the real reason Stiles, please" Derek's face was gentle and Stiles actually felt like he could trust in him. So, he decided to tell him why he left, just not what he did.

"I feel like I'm expendable. You guys don't need me, all I do is research shit for you guys. I'm nothing special at all, I'm a stupid human. Not a werewolf, Banshee, or hunter! A weak human. I'm not a part of this pack, I don't belong with you guys. You don't want me here, I don't think you would care if I left, you never wanted me here, I'm a tag along for Scott. I'm annoying, like you said" Yes Stiles was aware he was throwing a pity party for himself, yes he was aware Derek would laugh at him, but he asked, so Stiles told him.

"Don't say that. You are important to us. If you left-" Derek stopped talking and bowed his head, putting it in his hands, he took a deep breath and looked back up at the depressed boy in front of him, "I would go crazy. I need you here." Stiles opened his mouth a bit, shocked by the Alphas words.

"Don't you hate me?" Derek quickly shook his head, "No I could never hate you Stiles" Derek smiled a bit, he smiled, even if it was a bit! Who knew Derek Hale could smile?! Stiles smiled wider and nodded his head. "Well, thanks Derek" Stiles put his hand on Derek's shoulder briefly. Stiles was sitting next to Derek now, he looked at the time and saw that it was 10:06 now, his dad was most likely home. "Do you need to go?" Derek saw Stiles looking at the time and Stiles nodded, "Yeah, my dads probably home" They both got up and went to the door, Derek opened it, and Stiles walked out. They said goodbye and with that Stiles drove back home.

His dad wasn't home yet, so he suspected that he had to stay a little later. Stiles went to his room and laid down. He thought about what happened at Derek's and laughed. Stiles was confused, but it didn't matter. Derek was being nice and he wasn't going to argue with that.

That night Stiles fell asleep, thinking about the brooding, confusing, sour wolf alpha. While that alpha was at his loft, falling asleep thinking about the younger, talkative, depressed boy. Both dreaming about the other, dreams that they would never tell anyone.

**Thanks for all the love on the last chapter guys! Means a lot :D I hope you guys like this chapter :). xxx**


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